Wonders

I always wonder how somebody can be so close one moment and then one moment be so far apart it was like they were never good close friends in the first place. I have had so many people in my life that has come and gone and it's pretty sad. How do friends fall apart? It's amazing how you find someone's true self after you guys aren't friends anymore. I guess if they really care about you then they would stick with you through everything. I need to uplift myself with good people anyways. I don't know if I ever mentioned this but I had a best friend that me and her grew up together in Ogden when we were in Elementary and we were always close until she got married. I tried to stay in contact with her but it seemed like every time I would try it would push her away further. We tried to stay in contact through facebook until one incident happened. Her husband was hitting on me and making me very uncomfortable and saying that him and Becky are having marriage problems and all that other stuff. He didn't want me to tell her but I felt like since we were so close that she deserves to know what her husband was up to. I felt like I owed her that much. At first it went better than I thought. She told me that she appreciated me for telling her the truth and that she was going to leave him. She also told me that she thought their marriage was fine. That is a bad sign right there if you and your spouse sees your marriage in two different ways. To make a long story short she stayed with him and they had a baby together. I am sorry but a baby isn't going to solve everything. So I called her out on it and all her true feelings about me came out. I was really hurt by it. I had a lot of questions that went on through my head and I still do. Did she always felt like this about me after all these years? Did she just tell me that she appreciated that I told her and that she was leaving him to humor me? She did tell me that they worked out everything but I still question everything because is she living a lie? But why should I care? But sometimes I do and I think sometimes I care too much. And of course as you can tell that friendship ended. I think that is why I don't have any best friends because of situations like this. I feel like I am a great friend and I tell my friends what they need to hear like I think a great friend should do and then I get stabbed in the back. I don't think that is right but I can't control how people react to things I just have control on how I react to things. I noticed the people that I wasn't close to in the past I am close to now and that makes me happy. I guess the people that you least expect that accept you for who you are stay close to you. I am very thankful for the new friends that I have received this year. I need a lot more people that uplift me to be a better person anwyays. I just need to keep telling myself that it's their loss not mine. If they can't accept the truth than that isn't my problem. Maybe it's better that I don't know why Becky kept her distance from me for a while before she told me how she really felt about me. Some events that happen in life just bring feelings up to the surface. I can't help but think how she is doing with her new baby and everything. Is that wrong? I kinda wanted to be there for her when she was going through all of this with her first child. It saddens me! But I guess it's not my fault that she didn't let me in even though I tried and tried. I also have learned to stop trying. If people don't want me in their life than that is fine. I just always wonder why it has to be this way though. Why friends don't stay close and get distance with you? Everything happens for a reason! That is my life motto!! I also believe that karma is a bitch and it will bite you back maybe even harder. I always think that all these friends that left me would come crawling back for forgiveness. I guess it just depends if I welcome them back with open arms or not. I just don't want to get hurt again. I just need to let some people go and if they come back then they come back. I just like writing all this down because it helps all the time. It's like something is being lift off my shoulders every time I write down my feelings. It's making me a better and happy person.