Defeated

Some days I wonder if I am good mom or not. And today is one of those days. I don't know what I am doing wrong about the potty training milestone of Sienna. She doesn't tell me anymore that she needs to go to the bathroom she just sits there and pees in her pants. I don't know about you but I am getting sick and tired of my house smelling like pee. Back in last December we bought her a potty chair and she was really interest in potty training. We would put her on the potty every time we would change her diaper. She was getting real good at keeping her diaper dry and being really interest in potty training so I told Chris that I think she is ready but he thought she was too young. So I told him when she turns 2 in June of 2014 that we are going to start officially potty training her. How I did it with my boys was put them in underwear and they would feel when they were wet and hated that feeling and eventually got the hang of it. So I did it with Sienna. Personally I don't think pull ups work. They never worked with my boys and I feel like pull ups make you lazy because they are just like a diaper. But I thought I would try something new and do both. And when that didn't work I went straight to the underwear thing. She was doing really good. Waking up dry in the morning and would have an accident every now and then. When my brother came to stay with us for a while September 1st he was her potty buddy. That is when she got real good at it. She got to the point where she would let him know when she needs to go and take her to the bathroom before she had an accident in her pants. She did this the whole week that he was staying with us so I thought we were pass the peeing and pooping in the pants. She was pass being scared of pooping in the potty. But it seemed like every since he left she went backwards, I never had this experience with the boys but everyone tells me that girls are harder and different to potty trained and oh boy they were right. I even went back to the start and "tried" to get her to sit on the potty after meals and drinks and before she went to bed and such. And she would fight me to do that so I quit forcing her but it gets back to I am tired of it smelling like pee all the time. I think she is being just lazy but I have practically given up and tried everything. We even went to making a sticker chart for her and she didn't even get excited about that. It seemed like she didn't even care. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like having her go back to diapers but that is taking another two steps backwards and I really don't want to do that because 1: they are expensive and 2: we are going backwards and I know she would hate to be in diapers and mommy and daddy changing her but what is the difference between that and us having to do laundry all the time. I really would like advice or something to reassure me that I am good mom because right now I don't feel like it especially with everything going on right now.

Learned my lesson

There is one reason why I like writing in my blog is so family members can see how I feel and what is going on in my life. I have learned my lesson about this whole jewelry party. I understand a long time ago that I made a big deal out of nothing. I think that is one of the reasons why some family members don't want to talk to me. I will never associate myself with Park Lane or any other jewelry company ever again. It's cheaply made jewelry at an expensive price. I know it was the hard way that I learned my lesson but isn't that mostly how we learn all of our lessons. Don't you guys think you have punished me enough? I don't know how many times I have to say sorry. I don't think it was the whole point of coming to my jewelry party in the first place I think it was the whole point of supporting me. I don't think I get enough support from my family members. It seems like my friends support me more and that is sad. You guys might think I am not over it because I still bring it up but that isn't the case. I am just trying to tell everyone that I have learned my lesson and not everyone is on my facebook so they can't see my status'. When I have jewelry that break and that I regret using too much money for stupid shit and when I realize a long long time ago that I made a mistake then it's time to forgive me and forget it and move on. Everyone makes mistakes; and no one is perfect. We all know this.

About Brody and about having more kids

I think it's my fault why Brody acts the way that he does. When I was pregnant with him I wanted to have a girl so bad and I thought throughout my whole pregnancy he was a girl because his pregnancy was so different than Rocky. But now I know that every pregnancy is different. I think I finally accept it on the last ultrasound. He is always throwing fits when he doesn't get his way and he thinks he can do whatever he wants when he wants. I don't know how to fix this feeling. I know I said that once we move into a bigger place I want to try to have another baby but I don't think I do. It feels like since I moved into this new place that I don't want another child because I feel like if we have another child we have to get an even bigger home. I feel content with how our family is now. I know Chris wants another one but I feel like our family is finally complete. I have my girl and I am happy with that. And what makes us think that we will have another girl. God gives us what he feels like is right for our family. I don't know. I just have a lot of things going on right now and I am thinking about a lot of things and trying to get my mind off other things.

Update

God really answers prayers! We are moving!! Things are really looking up for us. Not only for us but for everyone in my family. I am not going to go into much details but my sister was having complications with her pregnancy and just to make a long story short her baby is healthy and moving around all the time. So that is a relief. It's her third baby so we are hoping for a girl because she has two boys but as long as it's healthy that is all that matters to us. Prayers have been answered in our family lately so I couldn't be more thankful for everything. Chris moved to the Ogden Savers to become a production supervisor so even though it takes a toll on our car in gas it's kinda worth it. He will be working just morning shifts and get Saturday and Sundays off so that will help us a lot since I work only nights. Since he got that position he will be getting 40 hours and + so we are able to afford a bigger place. And I still work at Motherhood Maternity and I love it! We all get along and it's the perfect job for me. I pretty much know everything there. And I am so good at it! I hope I am there for a long time!!

This is the place we are moving to

It's a townhouse. It has 3 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms, an island in the kitchen, central air, a little Harry potter room (but I call it a hobbit room because I am not a big fan of Harry Potter). A lot bigger than what we are living now. It's in Clearfield. We are going to try to keep the boys in the same school as long as we can because I really don't want to move them to a different school because they are in a good school. I think as a mother I have a right to keep my kids at the school of my choice. We have to travel to Layton all the time anyways. It's going to be a crazy hectic couple of weeks with both me and Chris working, packing and moving but I am excited to start this new journey in our lives. 

     I am still trying to figure out how to deal with family deleting me off of facebook but I am trying. I just don't understand it. It seems like just family and no friends delete me. You can delete me off of facebook but you can't delete me out of your life. I am always going to be family. I think why it hurts and bothers me so much because it's family but I got to learn to let it go. It's just facebook. I think I just want to celebrate this great time in our lives with everyone and I feel like I can't do that. So I hope everyone reads this because we are so thrilled and can't wait to move out of this small tiny apartment. It's not a house but it's close. We are going to make it our home for a while and I can't wait and I think that is all that matters. I am hoping we can have a housewarming party once we are all settled in and everyone will be more than willing to celebrate this special times in our lives! I love you all!!

Sienna is 2 today!!

The birthday girl!

My baby girl turned 2 today! I can't even believe it. She is such a sweet girl! She loves puppies and any kind of animals. She got a soft spot for anyone. She loves Hello Kitty, Care bears, and babies; she has tons of every single one of those things. She is so smart and I think she gets it from her brothers. She thinks she is a Princess and she pretty much is. She knows what bubbles, kitties, puppies, balls, princesses, anything nintendo related and can tell what they are when you ask her. She knows so much! She even knows that she is 2. You asked her how old she is and she will tell you two!! She pretty much loves to do whatever her brothers are doing. She always wants to be apart of something. She also loves to be outside. She has such a big personality and I wouldn't want it any other way.

We had it at Ellison park in Layton. And it is such a great park! We had hamburgers and hot dogs and of course cake and ice cream. It was a Hello Kitty party of course.

The kids had a blast at the splash pad and at the playground

Everyone enjoyed themselves and Sienna got even some cool stuff. She goes in for her 2 year old checkup on Monday. Let's see how big she is! Thank you to Jordan, Landon, Karalina, Miranda, Johanna, Isaac, Avien, Nana Heckert, Uncle Kenny, Amber, Dominic, Alana, and Trena and Aaron.

Her cute cake!

Her loot!

I just should stop trying

I don't know why I keep trying to push my way into people's lives when apparently they don't want me there. I should take what my mom always say to me to heart: "I am not going to stick around where I am not wanted." It just hurts you know that you are constantly trying to reach out to someone and they never respond especially when you used to be so close. Maybe I should stop trying. Because apparently it's not doing any good. It's their lost not mine! I just should focus on the people that want me in their lives and move on. I have so many people that want me and my kids and my husband in their lives and they should be the ones that matter. If others don't want us in their lives then that is fine! I am not going to stick around!!

Hoping for good changes

I hope things get better for us. I just want better for my kids. After finding out today that we weren't going to be approved for a house loan and there was no point in running the application it was kinda discouraging. I believe this apartment that we are living in is slowly killing us. Our landlord fixed the toilet but before he left he told me not to get the seal around the toilet on the bottom wet. He didn't tell me how long or what but he is right because the seal is melting away from the toilet. It seems like no matter what he does to our apartment it isn't enough. This apartment is way too small for us! I don't want Sienna to share a room with her brothers forever. I just hope things turn around soon. The reasons why we can't get a house loan is because of our car loan and student loan. We just got a new van in February because we had no choice and both our names are on it. It would be better if just my name was on it but because I don't make enough income I can't. And that would help a little bit because than not everything would be on Chris' shoulders. And then the student loan debt doesn't help either. We need to pay those off but with two being 150 dollars a month there is no way that we can pay those off while we have other bills so we are going to send in a form to have it based off our income and see if that helps. They said that I have to be at my job for 2 years for it to count but I really don't want to be stuck here for two years, there is no way that we can survive. I know it probably sounds like I am not thankful but I am. It is just frustrating you know. I guess we just have to go look around for a house or an apartment for rent that we can afford that is bigger. We also just want to have another child and there is no way that I am having another baby in this small two bedroom apartment, it's not happening. We just need all the prayers we can get. I think we should of never went to college but we can't think of the what if's we just have to make the best of the situation. We went to college for Graphic Design and got our associate degree and nothing to show for it. I just have to think of this as a speed bump in our marriage and we always have had speed bumps in our marriage and have always made it over them and it had made us stronger. I believe we can get over this speed bump and be a lot stronger once again!