Rocky's birthday party

The boy at the party

The cake!

The loot!

Having fun!!

We had Rocky's party at Sky Haven Trampoline park. Everyone had fun! I don't know if I am going to have another party there though. They told us when we got there that we couldn't bring in ice cream but we could bring in just cake. That didn't make sense. They said it had to do with the health license or something like that. We also had bottle water for everyone and we couldn't even bring that in. I wished they would of told us this when we booked it. They just want you to spend your money on their food and drinks. As long as everyone had fun I guess that is all that matters. I think it was a successful party overall! Thanks everyone that came!! Nana Heckert, Nana, Trena, Shane and Aaron, Johanna, Isaac and Avien, Jordan, Landon, Karalina, and Miranda, Uncle Justin, Uncle Kenny and of course Brody and Sienna. Chris was even wore out at the end. I should of took of picture of him passed out but it's just has been a busy day overall!!

Happy Birthday Rocky!

My first born Rocky Arthur Harmon turned 9 today! I can't believe he is 9!! Where did the time go? Today we are going to Boondocks for his birthday. It's kinda a tradition for all of us to go to Boondocks for our birthdays and plus we get a free birthday pass so it makes it more fun! Rocky's favorite color is Red just like his Nana and his late Uncle John. He loves Mustangs and any kind of cars. He wants to be a NASCAR driver when he grows up and his favorite driver is Jeff Gordon. He is so sweet to his baby sister. He calls her pretty girl all the time. He is really good at Math which his mommy and daddy were never good at. He is sweet to everyone that he comes in contact with. He has grown up to be such a caring man can't wait for more wonderful years with him. He is also going to be in 4th grade this fall!! He decided to have his birthday party at Sky Haven Trampoline Park in Layton this Saturday. More on that later!!

Wonders

I always wonder how somebody can be so close one moment and then one moment be so far apart it was like they were never good close friends in the first place. I have had so many people in my life that has come and gone and it's pretty sad. How do friends fall apart? It's amazing how you find someone's true self after you guys aren't friends anymore. I guess if they really care about you then they would stick with you through everything. I need to uplift myself with good people anyways. I don't know if I ever mentioned this but I had a best friend that me and her grew up together in Ogden when we were in Elementary and we were always close until she got married. I tried to stay in contact with her but it seemed like every time I would try it would push her away further. We tried to stay in contact through facebook until one incident happened. Her husband was hitting on me and making me very uncomfortable and saying that him and Becky are having marriage problems and all that other stuff. He didn't want me to tell her but I felt like since we were so close that she deserves to know what her husband was up to. I felt like I owed her that much. At first it went better than I thought. She told me that she appreciated me for telling her the truth and that she was going to leave him. She also told me that she thought their marriage was fine. That is a bad sign right there if you and your spouse sees your marriage in two different ways. To make a long story short she stayed with him and they had a baby together. I am sorry but a baby isn't going to solve everything. So I called her out on it and all her true feelings about me came out. I was really hurt by it. I had a lot of questions that went on through my head and I still do. Did she always felt like this about me after all these years? Did she just tell me that she appreciated that I told her and that she was leaving him to humor me? She did tell me that they worked out everything but I still question everything because is she living a lie? But why should I care? But sometimes I do and I think sometimes I care too much. And of course as you can tell that friendship ended. I think that is why I don't have any best friends because of situations like this. I feel like I am a great friend and I tell my friends what they need to hear like I think a great friend should do and then I get stabbed in the back. I don't think that is right but I can't control how people react to things I just have control on how I react to things. I noticed the people that I wasn't close to in the past I am close to now and that makes me happy. I guess the people that you least expect that accept you for who you are stay close to you. I am very thankful for the new friends that I have received this year. I need a lot more people that uplift me to be a better person anwyays. I just need to keep telling myself that it's their loss not mine. If they can't accept the truth than that isn't my problem. Maybe it's better that I don't know why Becky kept her distance from me for a while before she told me how she really felt about me. Some events that happen in life just bring feelings up to the surface. I can't help but think how she is doing with her new baby and everything. Is that wrong? I kinda wanted to be there for her when she was going through all of this with her first child. It saddens me! But I guess it's not my fault that she didn't let me in even though I tried and tried. I also have learned to stop trying. If people don't want me in their life than that is fine. I just always wonder why it has to be this way though. Why friends don't stay close and get distance with you? Everything happens for a reason! That is my life motto!! I also believe that karma is a bitch and it will bite you back maybe even harder. I always think that all these friends that left me would come crawling back for forgiveness. I guess it just depends if I welcome them back with open arms or not. I just don't want to get hurt again. I just need to let some people go and if they come back then they come back. I just like writing all this down because it helps all the time. It's like something is being lift off my shoulders every time I write down my feelings. It's making me a better and happy person.

Realizations

One of my family members made me realize that just because a family member doesn't add me on facebook doesn't mean they don't love me. Sometimes I make a big deal out of nothing. They also made me realize that maybe the reason why people get hurt by what I say is because they do care about me. It feels good to see it in a different perspective. I want to thank them for it. It is still good to write it all down though. It's a great thought process to write it all down though. I am learning new things everyday and it's making me stronger. I hope we can all move on from this and grow stronger and closer to each other.

Final thoughts (I guess I got more to say)

I have so many people that support and love me and they know who I am and they love me for who I am. I am not going to change for anyone. We shouldn't have to change for anyone. People should love us for who we are and not try to change us. If they really loved us they wouldn't want us to change in the first place. I am who I am! And no one can change that. I love everyone's flaws and good. Everyone has their flaws; no one is perfect. We are all different for a reason. We all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. If we were all the same than that would be boring. I think all my family and friends are beautiful inside and out even with their flaws. Yeah they do stuff that I am not going to agree with or I am not going to like but I am still going to support them because I love them. We all do things differently then each other and that is ok. That is what makes us unique. I know that I am not perfect and I don't try to be perfect by any means. I know that I have done stuff that I am not proud of and that don't like but that is life. We aren't going to do everything right or that people like but we always learn from it and we move on. People aren't suppose to like everything that we do but I know that I try to do my best in what I do everyday. We all should do our best and if that is our best than we have done something right and that is all that matters at the end of the day. I truly believe that we all learn something new everyday. I know that I am always leaning something new about myself and others and it makes me be a better person and a stronger person. I don't expect you guys to understand where I am coming from but I just want you guys to love me unconditionally like I do for you guys. I know I won't always understand where you guys are coming from but I am here listen and be here for you always. I just want to thank whoever read all of this. I know it was a lot but it has helped me to write it all down so I am not blowing up everywhere. I love you guys and always will and I will truly lucky to have each and every one of you in my life.

This is who I am ;)

Maybe that is why Chris married me. I am a mother to 3 beautiful children and wife to a wonderful husband that supports me in whatever I do. I know who I am and maybe that is all that matters. I think this is the most I ever wrote on my blog in a while. Maybe I should use it more often. That is what it's for to write all my feelings down. Both my sister and my husband told me that if they don't like me for who I am then forget about them and maybe I should take that to heart. I know I am blunt and maybe too blunt sometimes but I have learned in all my experiences that it's better to tell the truth than lie. I think lying causes more problems. I know the truth hurts sometimes but truth hurts. And maybe I need to take that saying to heart as well. But this is who I am. I am also a housemother, a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a niece, a cousin and a sales associate at Motherhood Maternity. All these things make me who I am. I try to be the best I can be and if that isn't enough that I don't know what is. I never worried about what people thought of me in the past and maybe that is what I need to continued doing. As long as we know who we are and what we stand for that should be all that matters. Who cares what others think of us? I know who I am and I know that I love my family and friends and are very thankful for what I have in life. I also thankful for everything that everyone does for me, I really am. Everyone in my life and everything that I have done in my life has made me who I am and I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't regret anything in life because everything is a learning experience. Every experience that I have had in my life has brought me to where I am at today. 

Just thoughts

Since it's Easter today I just got a lot of thoughts going through my head and also since I get in trouble for posting certain things on Facebook I decided to vent on here. And since I can because it's my own blog I got a lot to say. I know I shouldn't be worrying about this stuff but I am because they are family and I love them. It seems like a lot of family on Chris' side doesn't want anything to do with me and it hurts, just because I speak my mind and tell the truth. I don't think there is nothing wrong with speaking your mind and being truthful. It's sad when some of the family doesn't want to add me on Facebook and that hurts, and I don't know what to do about it. Like I said I shouldn't be worrying about it but I am. If I don't write this all down I might explode. If any of the family reads this because explain to me what I am doing wrong. The only reason why I go on Facebook in the first place is to connect with family and friends to show them what I am doing, how I am feeling and to see how they are doing. I feel like I get left out on a lot of things because I am not friends with certain family on Facebook. It's like I am the last person to know. Or I don't get invited to certain things because no one wants me there. Well I got news for you guys. I am family and I always will be! I always ask Chris why he wants to be with me when most of his family wants nothing to do with me. It's hard not to have this going in my head and maybe it is all in my head but that is how I feel. Please show me something different and maybe I won't feel this way. If there is anything I did then I am sorry. I know sorry doesn't solve everything but I hope for this it does.
       Another thing I am tired of waiting for things to happen. Chris was "suppose" to get promoted a while ago and doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. One of his supervisors is on maternity leave and there is only him and another supervisor so they kinda need him unless they hire someone new. We were going to wait to get pre approved for a house loan once he gets promoted but I don't know when that is going to happen so I just got to make things happen. I know changes are coming but they are taking a long time to get here. We grew out of this small two bedroom apartment a long time ago, it's time to move on to something bigger especially if we want to have another child. We had our vow renewal on St. Patrick Day and that was a start of changes but where are the changes? Some days I don't know what to do with myself. I keep telling myself I need to concentrate on my small family and not worry about the other family members but it's kinda hard when I am a loving person; well I try to be and I am thankful for everything that everyone does in the family and maybe I just have a weird way of showing it but I love all my friends and family and I just feel like no one wants nothing to do with me. :( I don't know how to shake this feeling.