Hoping for good changes

I hope things get better for us. I just want better for my kids. After finding out today that we weren't going to be approved for a house loan and there was no point in running the application it was kinda discouraging. I believe this apartment that we are living in is slowly killing us. Our landlord fixed the toilet but before he left he told me not to get the seal around the toilet on the bottom wet. He didn't tell me how long or what but he is right because the seal is melting away from the toilet. It seems like no matter what he does to our apartment it isn't enough. This apartment is way too small for us! I don't want Sienna to share a room with her brothers forever. I just hope things turn around soon. The reasons why we can't get a house loan is because of our car loan and student loan. We just got a new van in February because we had no choice and both our names are on it. It would be better if just my name was on it but because I don't make enough income I can't. And that would help a little bit because than not everything would be on Chris' shoulders. And then the student loan debt doesn't help either. We need to pay those off but with two being 150 dollars a month there is no way that we can pay those off while we have other bills so we are going to send in a form to have it based off our income and see if that helps. They said that I have to be at my job for 2 years for it to count but I really don't want to be stuck here for two years, there is no way that we can survive. I know it probably sounds like I am not thankful but I am. It is just frustrating you know. I guess we just have to go look around for a house or an apartment for rent that we can afford that is bigger. We also just want to have another child and there is no way that I am having another baby in this small two bedroom apartment, it's not happening. We just need all the prayers we can get. I think we should of never went to college but we can't think of the what if's we just have to make the best of the situation. We went to college for Graphic Design and got our associate degree and nothing to show for it. I just have to think of this as a speed bump in our marriage and we always have had speed bumps in our marriage and have always made it over them and it had made us stronger. I believe we can get over this speed bump and be a lot stronger once again!

Rocky's birthday party

The boy at the party

The cake!

The loot!

Having fun!!

We had Rocky's party at Sky Haven Trampoline park. Everyone had fun! I don't know if I am going to have another party there though. They told us when we got there that we couldn't bring in ice cream but we could bring in just cake. That didn't make sense. They said it had to do with the health license or something like that. We also had bottle water for everyone and we couldn't even bring that in. I wished they would of told us this when we booked it. They just want you to spend your money on their food and drinks. As long as everyone had fun I guess that is all that matters. I think it was a successful party overall! Thanks everyone that came!! Nana Heckert, Nana, Trena, Shane and Aaron, Johanna, Isaac and Avien, Jordan, Landon, Karalina, and Miranda, Uncle Justin, Uncle Kenny and of course Brody and Sienna. Chris was even wore out at the end. I should of took of picture of him passed out but it's just has been a busy day overall!!

Happy Birthday Rocky!

My first born Rocky Arthur Harmon turned 9 today! I can't believe he is 9!! Where did the time go? Today we are going to Boondocks for his birthday. It's kinda a tradition for all of us to go to Boondocks for our birthdays and plus we get a free birthday pass so it makes it more fun! Rocky's favorite color is Red just like his Nana and his late Uncle John. He loves Mustangs and any kind of cars. He wants to be a NASCAR driver when he grows up and his favorite driver is Jeff Gordon. He is so sweet to his baby sister. He calls her pretty girl all the time. He is really good at Math which his mommy and daddy were never good at. He is sweet to everyone that he comes in contact with. He has grown up to be such a caring man can't wait for more wonderful years with him. He is also going to be in 4th grade this fall!! He decided to have his birthday party at Sky Haven Trampoline Park in Layton this Saturday. More on that later!!

Wonders

I always wonder how somebody can be so close one moment and then one moment be so far apart it was like they were never good close friends in the first place. I have had so many people in my life that has come and gone and it's pretty sad. How do friends fall apart? It's amazing how you find someone's true self after you guys aren't friends anymore. I guess if they really care about you then they would stick with you through everything. I need to uplift myself with good people anyways. I don't know if I ever mentioned this but I had a best friend that me and her grew up together in Ogden when we were in Elementary and we were always close until she got married. I tried to stay in contact with her but it seemed like every time I would try it would push her away further. We tried to stay in contact through facebook until one incident happened. Her husband was hitting on me and making me very uncomfortable and saying that him and Becky are having marriage problems and all that other stuff. He didn't want me to tell her but I felt like since we were so close that she deserves to know what her husband was up to. I felt like I owed her that much. At first it went better than I thought. She told me that she appreciated me for telling her the truth and that she was going to leave him. She also told me that she thought their marriage was fine. That is a bad sign right there if you and your spouse sees your marriage in two different ways. To make a long story short she stayed with him and they had a baby together. I am sorry but a baby isn't going to solve everything. So I called her out on it and all her true feelings about me came out. I was really hurt by it. I had a lot of questions that went on through my head and I still do. Did she always felt like this about me after all these years? Did she just tell me that she appreciated that I told her and that she was leaving him to humor me? She did tell me that they worked out everything but I still question everything because is she living a lie? But why should I care? But sometimes I do and I think sometimes I care too much. And of course as you can tell that friendship ended. I think that is why I don't have any best friends because of situations like this. I feel like I am a great friend and I tell my friends what they need to hear like I think a great friend should do and then I get stabbed in the back. I don't think that is right but I can't control how people react to things I just have control on how I react to things. I noticed the people that I wasn't close to in the past I am close to now and that makes me happy. I guess the people that you least expect that accept you for who you are stay close to you. I am very thankful for the new friends that I have received this year. I need a lot more people that uplift me to be a better person anwyays. I just need to keep telling myself that it's their loss not mine. If they can't accept the truth than that isn't my problem. Maybe it's better that I don't know why Becky kept her distance from me for a while before she told me how she really felt about me. Some events that happen in life just bring feelings up to the surface. I can't help but think how she is doing with her new baby and everything. Is that wrong? I kinda wanted to be there for her when she was going through all of this with her first child. It saddens me! But I guess it's not my fault that she didn't let me in even though I tried and tried. I also have learned to stop trying. If people don't want me in their life than that is fine. I just always wonder why it has to be this way though. Why friends don't stay close and get distance with you? Everything happens for a reason! That is my life motto!! I also believe that karma is a bitch and it will bite you back maybe even harder. I always think that all these friends that left me would come crawling back for forgiveness. I guess it just depends if I welcome them back with open arms or not. I just don't want to get hurt again. I just need to let some people go and if they come back then they come back. I just like writing all this down because it helps all the time. It's like something is being lift off my shoulders every time I write down my feelings. It's making me a better and happy person.