The Anniversary!

I thought today was going to be a good day. And I was going to shred my papers from what happened a year ago. I was looking forward to this day! But I was looking over my papers for the misdemeanor and I still have until September 30th for it to get off my record. I don't know why they post mark it for that date unless that is the day that I went into court. I really wanted to move on from this thing and have nothing tracing me back to it. I am just thankful that I don't have too much longer for it to get off my record. I am also thankful that nothing more happened. It could been a lot worst and I could of been in a lot more trouble. So I am very very thankful for that as well. I just know when the 30th of September comes I am going to be celebrating a lot more. I think I learned a lot about myself and I think I am still learning a lot about me as a parent. I went through a lot with all the classes and everything. September 30th is going to be a good day and be looking for a video because I am going to be posting a video of me shredding the papers. I don't want nothing to do with that day and want to move on from it and nothing to remind me about it. I feel like I have moved on from it emotional and mentally but I don't want any papers in my house reminding me of that awful day. I know that I am a good mom and that I am not a child abuser but the court system is screwed up. I learned that it's not innocent until you are proven guilty anymore. They always want to make you out to be the guilty one so they can get more money out of you. Either way you have to fork over money whether you like it or not. I stayed out of trouble all year and tried my best to control my anger but we are moms and parents and we all have bad days. I also learned that you can't discipline your kids in public anymore because people like to stick their noses in other people's business when it shouldn't be there in the first place. It's a sad sad world that we can't do that but it is what it is. I stay out of other people's business and I expect the same thing; but it isn't like that. And I wished more people did that. I just think people just try to create drama when it isn't there.  I never met those people that reported on me and I hope I never do. They probably don't even remember me because they were so caught up in their own drama. I don't even remember them either so maybe it's a good thing. I still think it's stupid that 7 people were sitting in the Kent's parking lot when they shouldn't of been there in the first place. The thing is that pissed me off is they didn't even know who I was. They judged me; someone they don't even know. I don't even know them and I would never do that. When I go shopping I get in do my shopping and come out to my car and leave. I don't sit there and cause trouble. Whatever their reason was that day I don't understand and I probably will never understand but that is ok. I am not them. I am me! And all I could do is be the best Jackie I can be! I still go to Kent's like nothing happened. I am a stronger person. I am ready to have this baby in October and be a better mom and learn more. I think having Daisy in October will be a new beginning for everything!

32 week update

I figure I would do an update as well in my pregnancy. There hasn't been one in a while. I am now 32 weeks. My doctor said everything looks good. My blood pressure looks good; my urine looks good; everything is good. I see him every two weeks now. He said that I am his easily patient. I have really good pregnancies so I feel truly blessed to say that. It is getting to the point of my pregnancy where I have a hard time sleeping. I am constantly moving around at night and I go up at least once in the middle of the night to go pee. I think Chris is having symphony pains for me because he is going to the bathroom in the middle of the night as well. I know he has been dealing with a kidney stone for a while so that could be the reason too. It seems like I don't get full anymore. I am constantly hungry which sucks. I am starting to waddle. Daisy is moving and kicking me all the time. It seems like I never have a break. Which is good because that just shows that she is doing good. I can't wait to see her and see what she looks like. I know her siblings are really excited to see her. I can't wait for her to complete our family.

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed that is the question

Every since me and my old co worker was talking about breastfeeding one day at work I have been debating back and forth whether or not to breastfeed Daisy. I thought going to this breastfeeding class today would help me decide but I think it got me questioning more. I know it's better for the baby and all the benefits but I just don't know if it's right for me. I didn't breastfeed with any of my other children and I kinda want a bond with this baby since it's my last baby. That is another reason why I don't know if I want to. I tried with Rocky and it was just frustrating. He didn't seem interest in it and we were both frustrated with it. So after him I decided that I didn't want to do it with my other kids because it just wasn't fun and enjoyable. I just don't want my kids to feel left out if I do breastfeed Daisy because I didn't with them. And plus my kids want to help out with feeding her and I feel like if I breastfeed her that they won't have that opportunity. I feel like breastfeeding is right for some women and not right for others. At least I can try right? I just don't know if I will be even be able to. With my body and plus with working. I can always pump. I just don't know if my baby is going to get enough if I breastfeed. I always had that question as well. It's easy to tell when they are drinking from a bottle. I just don't want my boobs to be in charge and always tell me that I have to feed my baby when I can't because I am at work. I want to also use formula but I know that isn't always good but I just have to do what is right for my baby I guess. Especially if I am going to be working or if the kids want to help. So many questions and decisions to make.