What's been going on lately

Well the holidays are over and 2015 has started on a new note. Mostly good. Chris got promoted as Production Manager at the Layton Savers. I couldn't be more proud of him! This is going to help us out so much. He so deserves it. He worked so hard to get to this point! We decided to let God decide if we should have another baby or not. If I get pregnant it won't be a bad thing and I didn't get pregnant it won't be a bad thing either. With my sister having her son and decided to get her tubes tied it got me thinking. I don't know if I should keep my maternity clothes that she gave back to me. The storage container broke and working at a maternity store changed my whole prospective on maternity clothes so I am thinking about going through it and taking out the clothes that I am going to be wearing and get rid of the other ones. Because my other sister Jordan is also done having kids. Her husband is going to have a vasectomy. So it will probably be only me wearing them. I am hoping my sister in law Trena has another child because I think she needs to have a child before me. She so deserves it and I think Aaron would be a great big brother. He loves his cousins so much like they are his own siblings so I know he would do the same if he had a brother or sister. I wish my sister in law very much luck this year. I have a feeling that this is her year to get pregnant.
             My mother in law had hernia surgery on the 30th of December and had to go back in in January. She is doing good and hopefully this gets her to realize that she needs to take better care of herself. I really would like her to quit smoking because I think it would make her healthy overall. I want her around a long time for her children and her grandchildren because we all love her.
             And Sienna is making progress on her potty training. She is now telling us when she needs to go or she just goes on her own. Sometimes she is just lazy and doesn't do it but for the most part she is good at it. We stopped putting her in diapers because it was just a pain in the butt to go buy some all the time so we just kept putting her in underwear. I am so proud of her. I am glad that she is doing good and finally seeing it. I just have to stay calm and don't get so angry when she has an accident.
             I don't have any new year resolutions because personally I think they are pointless. For once I always think of the same resolutions every year because I can never think of new ones. And plus I can never do the one that I set myself up for because I usually forget or because they just aren't that important. My resolution everyday is just to be a better person than the day before. I think that is reasonable. We should all strive to be a better person everyday to our love ones. I am just looking forward to the rest of 2015 and what it has in store for all of us.

Brody's birthday party!-12-13-14

Brody on his birthday party

Brody is now 6 years old! We had his birthday party at our house. I am so thankful to be living in such a great place. I love showing it off! And it's big enough for everyone. 

And the kids had fun playing WII bowling

We had a WII bowling party and I think all the kids enjoyed it. And then we had cake and ice cream and opened presents.

And it was a Spongebob theme

And seeing this face made it all worth it. He really enjoyed himself and was really appreciated. Brody loves snakes and is very funny. Sometimes he is stubborn but I think he gets that from both sides of the family. He so loud and lets everybody know when he has arrived...lol. I can't imagine myself with Brody. He sometimes has a sweet side. He likes the Leonardo (the blue ninja turtle). His favorite color is blue. Thank you to everyone that came. Nana, Papa, Nana  Heckert, Aunt Jordan, Uncle Kevin, Landon, Karalina, Miranda, Aunt Johanna, Isaac, Avien, Cousins John and Oliva, His friend Devin and his family. It was great day and a great time!

August 28th 2014

I feel like people are questioning my decisions as a mother especially what happened to me recently. Like they feel like I am going to hurt my children which I would never ever hurt my children. I love them more than life itself. I haven't told many people this but I am ready now because I feel like it's eating me up inside and I need to let it out. And plus if I can help out one person out there than I have done my job. So before anyone goes on to read this please do not judge me. If you judge me than you can stop right there because I don't need it. And if you tell me that their ruling was right I don't need that either. I already feel defeated as a mother as it is.We all need to be aware of how we act in public or anywhere else for that matter. Because people see you and judge you. I saw this quote on facebook and I totally believe it. "It doesn't matter how good of a person you are there is always someone out there criticizing you."
       Me and my kids were at Kent's on August 28th shopping for food. It was a payday and I was stressing out like any other mom out there. I tried to go shopping but Sienna was acting out. So I left the store but I didn't leave the store quietly. I admit I made a scene and it wasn't the right thing to do at any means. I should of never made a scene but I can't think of the would have's or the would not's. What happened is what happened. While I was making a scene in the parking lot there was several people standing in the parking lot. First of why would there be 7 people standing in the parking lot? That is to me is asking for trouble. Once I go shopping I get out of the store and leave the parking lot. I don't stand there and talk. And second they should of stayed out of business. I don't get in anyone's business. When I go to the store or anywhere else for that matter I keep to myself. To make a long story short they called the cops on me and claimed that I slapped Sienna on the face which I didn't. And Rocky can testify that. I maybe slapped her butt. But I don't think there is anything wrong with disciplining your children in public. The cops came to my house and saw no evidence of child abuse but still charged me with a Misdemeanor in Child abuse. I didn't get it. When I got that charge it felt like a slap to my face. It was like a punch to the gut. I wouldn't wish this on anyone not even my worst enemy. I am not a child abuser but that isn't what everyone else saw. These people don't know me. They don't know who I am. They don't know who my kids are and they judged me, I think that was totally wrong. I try my best not to judge anyone for the decisions that they make in life and I feel like that I shouldn't be judged at all either. I feel like there is a sting operation going on at Kent's because several weeks later I saw another cop come out of Kent's. Like it has happened before. I feel like Kent's doesn't know what is going on in their parking lot or they do and they don't give a crap.
      I went to court and when I walked into the court my intentions were way different than when I walked out. I was planning on pleading not guilty because I didn't do anything wrong. And I wasn't going to take any pleads but that didn't work out either. I thought I was going to go in there and plead my case to the judge but it didn't go that way. I first saw the Prosecutor and I felt like he was out to get me even before I step into his office. He told me since there was 7 witnesses and they saw what they saw that I had no chance in court. That if my case would of went to trial than I would of lost. And I asked him even if I had witnesses of my own to testify that I am not a bad mother and that I don't abuse my kids and he said that wouldn't of matter because my witnesses weren't there. Even though there was no physical evidence that I abused Sienna that wouldn't of matter. You think pleading not guilty and standing up for yourself is a lot better than guilty but it isn't. This law system is so screwed up. They just want your money. And that is what he is going to get because he gave me a Plea in Abeyance and what that means is that I have to pay a fine, go to the parent classes that I signed up for and not get in trouble for 12 months and it will be all erased from my records.You got to think I have never been in trouble with the law before and I am not planning on ever again. But in a way I am not ok with that because slapping me with guilty made me feel like shit. Sorry for the language but that is really how I felt. I left that court room in tears. I felt like the worst parent in the world and I still do.
    I am always second guessing things all the time. I always question if I made the right decision, I am still dealing with this and I haven't even started the classes but I think opening myself and teaching others will be the first step. I am ready to move on with this and become a better mom because right now I don't feel like that right now. I feel like I let my kids down as a mother. I had so much support throughout all of this and appreciate all of the support. But I still feel like people all around me are judging my actions and I feel like I am more aware of my actions. I am getting better at that. I just can't wait until all of this is behind me and I can move on with my life. I know I am not guilty but that isn't what the paper says. Either way I would of had to pay something. And since I plead guilty I lost my right to stand before the judge and I lost my right to stand in front of the witnesses. I hope I don't ever see them again. I don't even know what they look like. That just shows that I wasn't even paying attention to them, It felt like the prosecutor was on the witnesses' side and anything I said would of done nothing, You think physical evidence would range over witnesses any day but I guess that isn't the case. I just have to keep thinking about the positives. At least I didn't go to jail and at least my kids weren't taken away. I have to think that prospective, I am trying.

Defeated

Some days I wonder if I am good mom or not. And today is one of those days. I don't know what I am doing wrong about the potty training milestone of Sienna. She doesn't tell me anymore that she needs to go to the bathroom she just sits there and pees in her pants. I don't know about you but I am getting sick and tired of my house smelling like pee. Back in last December we bought her a potty chair and she was really interest in potty training. We would put her on the potty every time we would change her diaper. She was getting real good at keeping her diaper dry and being really interest in potty training so I told Chris that I think she is ready but he thought she was too young. So I told him when she turns 2 in June of 2014 that we are going to start officially potty training her. How I did it with my boys was put them in underwear and they would feel when they were wet and hated that feeling and eventually got the hang of it. So I did it with Sienna. Personally I don't think pull ups work. They never worked with my boys and I feel like pull ups make you lazy because they are just like a diaper. But I thought I would try something new and do both. And when that didn't work I went straight to the underwear thing. She was doing really good. Waking up dry in the morning and would have an accident every now and then. When my brother came to stay with us for a while September 1st he was her potty buddy. That is when she got real good at it. She got to the point where she would let him know when she needs to go and take her to the bathroom before she had an accident in her pants. She did this the whole week that he was staying with us so I thought we were pass the peeing and pooping in the pants. She was pass being scared of pooping in the potty. But it seemed like every since he left she went backwards, I never had this experience with the boys but everyone tells me that girls are harder and different to potty trained and oh boy they were right. I even went back to the start and "tried" to get her to sit on the potty after meals and drinks and before she went to bed and such. And she would fight me to do that so I quit forcing her but it gets back to I am tired of it smelling like pee all the time. I think she is being just lazy but I have practically given up and tried everything. We even went to making a sticker chart for her and she didn't even get excited about that. It seemed like she didn't even care. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like having her go back to diapers but that is taking another two steps backwards and I really don't want to do that because 1: they are expensive and 2: we are going backwards and I know she would hate to be in diapers and mommy and daddy changing her but what is the difference between that and us having to do laundry all the time. I really would like advice or something to reassure me that I am good mom because right now I don't feel like it especially with everything going on right now.

Learned my lesson

There is one reason why I like writing in my blog is so family members can see how I feel and what is going on in my life. I have learned my lesson about this whole jewelry party. I understand a long time ago that I made a big deal out of nothing. I think that is one of the reasons why some family members don't want to talk to me. I will never associate myself with Park Lane or any other jewelry company ever again. It's cheaply made jewelry at an expensive price. I know it was the hard way that I learned my lesson but isn't that mostly how we learn all of our lessons. Don't you guys think you have punished me enough? I don't know how many times I have to say sorry. I don't think it was the whole point of coming to my jewelry party in the first place I think it was the whole point of supporting me. I don't think I get enough support from my family members. It seems like my friends support me more and that is sad. You guys might think I am not over it because I still bring it up but that isn't the case. I am just trying to tell everyone that I have learned my lesson and not everyone is on my facebook so they can't see my status'. When I have jewelry that break and that I regret using too much money for stupid shit and when I realize a long long time ago that I made a mistake then it's time to forgive me and forget it and move on. Everyone makes mistakes; and no one is perfect. We all know this.

About Brody and about having more kids

I think it's my fault why Brody acts the way that he does. When I was pregnant with him I wanted to have a girl so bad and I thought throughout my whole pregnancy he was a girl because his pregnancy was so different than Rocky. But now I know that every pregnancy is different. I think I finally accept it on the last ultrasound. He is always throwing fits when he doesn't get his way and he thinks he can do whatever he wants when he wants. I don't know how to fix this feeling. I know I said that once we move into a bigger place I want to try to have another baby but I don't think I do. It feels like since I moved into this new place that I don't want another child because I feel like if we have another child we have to get an even bigger home. I feel content with how our family is now. I know Chris wants another one but I feel like our family is finally complete. I have my girl and I am happy with that. And what makes us think that we will have another girl. God gives us what he feels like is right for our family. I don't know. I just have a lot of things going on right now and I am thinking about a lot of things and trying to get my mind off other things.

Update

God really answers prayers! We are moving!! Things are really looking up for us. Not only for us but for everyone in my family. I am not going to go into much details but my sister was having complications with her pregnancy and just to make a long story short her baby is healthy and moving around all the time. So that is a relief. It's her third baby so we are hoping for a girl because she has two boys but as long as it's healthy that is all that matters to us. Prayers have been answered in our family lately so I couldn't be more thankful for everything. Chris moved to the Ogden Savers to become a production supervisor so even though it takes a toll on our car in gas it's kinda worth it. He will be working just morning shifts and get Saturday and Sundays off so that will help us a lot since I work only nights. Since he got that position he will be getting 40 hours and + so we are able to afford a bigger place. And I still work at Motherhood Maternity and I love it! We all get along and it's the perfect job for me. I pretty much know everything there. And I am so good at it! I hope I am there for a long time!!

This is the place we are moving to

It's a townhouse. It has 3 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms, an island in the kitchen, central air, a little Harry potter room (but I call it a hobbit room because I am not a big fan of Harry Potter). A lot bigger than what we are living now. It's in Clearfield. We are going to try to keep the boys in the same school as long as we can because I really don't want to move them to a different school because they are in a good school. I think as a mother I have a right to keep my kids at the school of my choice. We have to travel to Layton all the time anyways. It's going to be a crazy hectic couple of weeks with both me and Chris working, packing and moving but I am excited to start this new journey in our lives. 

     I am still trying to figure out how to deal with family deleting me off of facebook but I am trying. I just don't understand it. It seems like just family and no friends delete me. You can delete me off of facebook but you can't delete me out of your life. I am always going to be family. I think why it hurts and bothers me so much because it's family but I got to learn to let it go. It's just facebook. I think I just want to celebrate this great time in our lives with everyone and I feel like I can't do that. So I hope everyone reads this because we are so thrilled and can't wait to move out of this small tiny apartment. It's not a house but it's close. We are going to make it our home for a while and I can't wait and I think that is all that matters. I am hoping we can have a housewarming party once we are all settled in and everyone will be more than willing to celebrate this special times in our lives! I love you all!!