What I have decided

This vacation made me think about a lot of things. While I was on vacation my store manager kept texting everyone in a group text about the schedule and things like that. I am so over it by this time. My resume looks really sad right now and I am trying to fix that. Especially since two of the places I have worked at are no longer around and another one goes by a different name. I think I lost my passion for my job. When I first started Motherhood in 2013 I was so excited to be working with great people and especially one of my good friends that I have known a long time ago. When everyone was leaving it was slowly but surely changing. And then leaving Motherhood and coming back kinda drained me. I am tired of the other stores not being fully staffed and relying on our girls to cover shifts. I don't think it's worth it in my opinion to only get 50 dollars for one trip to a different store. I think when I came back under a different position and then when Macy's closed really killed my spirits. I don't really care anymore. Don't get me wrong I am glad that Chris found a job that he loves that is perfect for our family but I feel like he is moving on and I am just stuck. It hurts me that he succeeding and I am not. I have been dealing with this feeling for a while now. Me and Chris decided that if there comes an opportunity to move to St. George we would take it. We always wanted to move there since we first got together. We just fell in love with the town. So now that I will have a set schedule I think it will be easier for me to find a job. I hope so. But this time I am going to do it differently. I am going to stay at Motherhood and deal with it until I find a new job. I hope I find something soon. I am just scared to leave a place where I am so comfortable with and everything. But I can't be scared anymore. I have to venture out. I have to try something new and get out of my comfort zone. Wish me luck! I just need to move on!! 

What's been going on with Rocky

For a few years now we have noticed that Rocky has been getting sick off of pizza. He is fine the next day but for some reason he would get sick more often than any other child. At first we didn't know exactly it was but we narrowed it down and noticed it with just pizza. We don't know if it is the sauce or what. I know for the past few years he would eat spaghetti without the sauce, sloppy joes without the sauce mixed into the meat. But he also won't drink plain milk and only chocolate milk in the carton. He also will only eat specific cheeses and doesn't like melted cheese. We thought he was just strange but we knew that something was going on. We don't know exactly what ingredient it is but something is irrating him. We have controled it for the most part by not giving him pizza or giving him pizza without the sauce and that has seemed to helped but we are tired of guessing what it is. So tomorrow we have an appointment with the allergist to narrow down what it is. I hope we find out what it is so we can solve the problem. I hate that he was sick so much and we didn't know why. It makes me feel helpless as a parent when I can't help him when it's my job to. I hope Chris is out of the hospital today so he can go with us. I will keep everyone updated about Rocky. I hope we figured out what is going on. Rocky is excited but also nervous to find out but he also wants answers as well. He is just as frusterated as we are.

Big changes!!

I have been having a hard time lately with changes. Especially since they have been happening one after another. I really enjoyed being a MSC (motherhood sales consultation) at Macy's. I loved being my own boss and being able to go in whenever it was convenient for me. I felt like I had the best of both worlds. I could be my own boss at Macy's and I can help my store manager upstairs if she needed me. I also loved the co workers and everyone knew who I was there. When Macy's announced that they were closing I felt lost; and I still feel like I am lost. I feel like I am just floating. The one thing I was concerned about was where was I going to go. Alisha my store manager already decided my fate. She was like no she is coming back to me. I am not going to lose her. Which was awesome because it showed that she really valued me as an employee but now I feel like I am just a convenience to her and I hate that feeling. What you guys don't know is she hired a new lady a couple of weeks before Macy's announced that they were closing. Alisha told me even though she hired this new employee they can still squeeze me in which I don't like. I feel like that I am only there when someone needs a day off or a break. Don't get me wrong I do appreciate everything that Alisha has done for me. She has done a lot for me and continues to do a lot for me and I will be forever grateful for her. She even would work around Chris' schedule when he had a job and that was very nice of her to do. I feel very comfortable with her. I would just like to have my own schedule and feel like I belong somewhere and right now I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I know it sounds silly. I am just having a hard time adjusting to this new change. Maybe it will change once time goes on. I think that is why I volunteered to work in Park City because I feel like that is the only way that I am going to get hours is at other stores.
    Chris had an interview today at a place called Warner Fleet Services. They are a call center for truck drivers and do inbound calls. He said that the interview went really well and he thinks he got the job. He thinks it would be perfect for our family. Even though it's in West Valley City I am not really concerned about what city a job is at at this point. As long as it's perfect for our family. This job would be Monday thru Friday either 7am to 4pm or 8am to 5pm with weekends off is what he wants. He is really excited to move forward if they decide to have him hired. I am thinking if he gets this job to try to find a new job or just tell her I can only work nights. I am trying to stay positive and take it a day at a time. I hope these changes are for the best and we know what we want to do and we are happy about it. And of course we will keep all you guys updated!

Happy 8th birthday to Brody!

Brody turned 8!

My little boy turned 8! He is starting to like the game Five nights at Freddy's which I don't get. He is starting to like pizza a lot. He likes bad guys in movies. Like the creature from the black Lagoon. His best friend is Zeke that lives next door and they like to ride scooters together so I am glad that he got a scooter for his birthday. He loves his cat Mack. He makes us laugh all the time. 

The dart center for the big kids

The Dartcity for the little kids

We had it at Dartside. And it seemed like everyone enjoyed it. Everyone had fun! I think he chose the perfect place to have his party. 

A Mario theme. An awesome cake from Bowman's

I can't believe he is 8! I am glad that his friend came to his party. Thank you to everyone that came. Nana and Papa, Nana Heckert, Aunt Trena and family, Aunt Johanna and her family, Aunt Jordan and her family, Uncle Justin and of course us. 

Brenda the Medium

Well Brenda did it once again. Every time I leave a reading with her I always feel enlightened and she is great and what she does. She really has a gift. She no longer does readings at The Hidden Sage. She does it at her house in Farr West now. She has a gorgeous house with two big dogs and a bunch of angels decorations which I loved. This time I had a reading for me. She asked me if I do something with my hands and I say yeah I cross stitched and she brought up the thing that I am making Rocky and said that I can do it and when it's all done that he will really appreciate it. She also mentioned my girls and how Sienna is close and like her daddy and how Daisy is close to me and like me. She also mentioned my job how the Macy's employees value me and how they are very grateful that I am there. Which makes sense because that department didn't get a lot of love until I got there. She also said that she can see me moving up the company and that the job I have now is perfect because I am a full time mom and a really great mom and that the job gives me the opportunity to still be great mom. She asked about Chris and asked if we met on a blind date in which if you want to technically yeah we did. And also how me and him our soul mates which got me crying because everything she was saying was so true. She also said that I have come full circle and that I am very leveled and at peace with my life which is true. She also said that in February around our anniversary there is going to be a big celebration where we are going be all fancy for. She also said that we are all going to go to a retreat kinda a vacation; she said that it's long overdue which I agree. And that all these celebrations is a long time waiting and that we both worked hard to get to this point.
     The one thing that left goosebumps for both me and her was her comparison to my recent dream and my mom's role right now. Even before she knew about my dream she said that my mom is kinda the teacher or the leader to bring her family back together like the peacemaker and that is what it kinda felt like her role was in my dream. Crazy! I feel like we all have a connection in life somehow. I feel very connected to Brenda and feel very comfortable with her. She has a gift!

Connections

I had a weird dream last night and I think there is a connection between that and the recent events that have been happening in my life. When my grandma and my grandpa and my aunt passed away on my mom's side that is when everything fell apart for my mom. My grandma and grandpa had a will and left my Uncle Curtis (my mom's brother) in charge of it and he basically  disinherited my mom. So basically we don't exist anymore to them which sucks. I wasn't really closed with my mom's family but we were civil to each other and spent time together and once everyone passed away we all fell apart from of each other.
     My dream last night was really weird. Sienna last night had a bad dream. The boys have been wanting this game called Five nights at Freddy's which is a kinda scary game and we decided to download it onto Rocky's Ipad but he had to give up his allowance for that payday which he was fine with. Sienna was watching them play it which I guess was big mistake. So she had a hard time going back to sleep after the bad dream so I was already tired and sleep deprived didn't also help either. I dreamt that we lived in this big house and no one was letting me sleep. In my dream Brody woke up and wasn't feeling well so I was putting his bed together downstairs and for some reason there was a lot of random people in my house. It looked like we were showing it like trying to sale it. And I was getting frustrated and annoyed because I wanted to go back to bed and I couldn't because I had all these people in my house. Then I went back upstairs and ran into my old young woman leader's husband from many years ago and he got me to calm down. And then I walked into this other room and my mom was sitting there with all of her siblings. Which one of them is dead and my aunt Renee (deceased) comes up to me and gives me a hug and tells me how much I have grown and I am just crying in the dream and kept telling her that I missed her. It was weird. I truly believe mediums can portray your loves ones that have passed on. But it really felt like I was hugging her and I really felt her spirit in my dream. It looked like my mom was conducting a meeting in my dream and it was like a intervention to me. But I don't know why I need the intervention when I am the one that wants everyone to get along and make peace.
        It kinda sucks when you want to interact with your family which is your blood and which you love dearly but you can't. The other day I ran into my Aunt Denise my Uncle Curtis' wife and daughter Jessi at Walmart. And I have to say it was so awkward because I couldn't say anything to them and that hurts. My natural instinct wanted to hug them and say hi and ask how they are doing but I can't. But that isn't the first time I ran into them. I wonder why I keep running into them and what does all this mean. I feel like there is a connection between running into them recently and my dream. Maybe it means that they are soon going to come around and welcome us back into their lives. I am the type of person that we are always going to be family regardless of our differences or how many times we fight. We love each other and at the end of the day that is all that matters. I still love my family with all my heart. All of my sides! And I hope at the end of the day they love me too.
     I also thought it was strange that once I woke up in the morning I had a text message from my mom asking me if  I was still willing to take her to see Brenda from The Hidden Sage when in fact I had this dream and she never knew. Me and my mom always had that connection. I believe me and Chris have that connection as well. I always knew from the beginning that me and Chris were suppose to be together. We can always read each other's mind which is creepy but annoying and awesome at the same time. I can say something even before he says it when he is thinking the exact same thing and vice versus. I know this is long but this is something that I want to get out there and remember and let my friends and family know how much they mean to me. And plus I always have strange dreams and I am pretty sure that I will always remember this one.
    I will let everyone know how it goes with Brenda next week and see what she says about all of this!

Daisy's 1st birthday!!

I can't believe my baby is one. She is the light of our lives!!

This little girl is so much fun! You can tell that she is the last child because she for sure lets her present be known. She loves food! Every time I go to the store she tries to lean into the cart screaming for food. She is so loud with everything. She knows how to say ball, mommy, daddy, bubba, kitty, dog. She is so smart for her age but she does things on her own time. She is off the bottle. All my kids were easy to get off the bottle. She loves her sippy cup and her elly (elephant binky) That is why we had an elephant theme party. I love how we have our birthdays so close to each other and I  love how she looks like me. She is the perfect fit to our completed family. She is so loved by everyone that meets her with those chunky cheeks and that beautiful smile. You just want to squeeze her some days because she is just so darn cute. We love her!

We first went to the pumpkin patch with the whole family for our birthdays. It's a tradition every year to go! It was nice to have everyone there!!

We had the birthday party at the party room at the theaters at the Newgate mall.. Great choice! Arcades near by for the kids and at a reasonable price-25 dollars. Can't beat that! Very successful party!!

I love her cakes! Bowman's in Kaysville always does a great job! And the smash cake was free! I was very happy with it. So adorable cakes!!

Her loot!!

Thank you to everyone for the wonderful time yesterday! Daisy and I loved our gifts! Thanks to Taylor and Shane, Trena, Shane, and Aaron, Nana and Papa, Johanna and her family, Jordan and her family, New papa, Nana Heckert, Keishla, Tiff and Kyeson and Uncle Justin and of course Mommy and Daddy and bubbas and Sienna. We love you all!!